Escape to Paradise: Tanoa Tusitala Hotel, Apia, Samoa - Your Dream Vacation Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Tanoa Tusitala Hotel - Apia, Samoa: My Brain Just Exploded (In a Good Way) - A Totally Honest Review
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I've just returned from… well, Paradise. And it wasn't just any paradise, it was the Tanoa Tusitala Hotel in Apia, Samoa. Let me tell you, my expectations were high, thanks to that "Your Dream Vacation Awaits!" tagline. Did it live up to it? Honestly? Mostly. With some wild, messy, Samoan magic sprinkled on top.
(SEO Note: Of course, we'll sprinkle in those keywords throughout the rambling. You got: Tanoa Tusitala, Apia, Samoa, hotel review, vacation, accessibility, spa, dining, swimming pool, Wi-Fi, clean, safe, etc. But let's be real, who cares about SEO when you're writing about a dream vacation?)
First Impressions: The Arrival (and the Slight Panic)
Landing in Apia is like stepping into a humid, vibrant painting. The airport transfer (yes, they have airport transfer!) whisked me away to the Tanoa, and the moment I saw the lobby, I knew I was in for something special. It’s so… Samoan. Rich, warm woods, the sound of gentle waterfalls, and the scent of… flowers. I remember thinking, "This is it. I'm finally here."
(Accessibility: Crucial!) Right off the bat, let me rave: Accessibility is a huge win. The hotel has Facilities for disabled guests, and the Elevator is a godsend. Seriously, I'm not disabled, but getting around is EASY. That whole "dream vacation" thing is a lot easier when you're not battling stairs.
(Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Doorman, Concierge, 24-hour Front Desk) - The check-in was a breeze (thanks to Contactless check-in/out too!), the staff are genuinely friendly, and the Concierge is a walking encyclopedia of Samoan awesomeness. They’re happy to help with anything, with a genuine smile. And the Doorman? Legend. Always a kind greeting and a helping hand, always a vibe check and what not.
The Room: My Sanctuary (and My Temporary Home Office)
(Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Hair dryer, Wi-Fi [free], Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN, Coffee/tea maker, Ironing facilities, In-room safe box, Satellite/cable channels, Mini bar, Refrigerator, Free bottled water, Slippers, and the list goes on…)
My room (which was Non-smoking, thank God) was a haven. Air conditioning that actually worked. The Bed was like sleeping on a cloud. And the Free Wi-Fi made it easy to upload all my Insta-stories (very important, obviously). I actually used the Laptop workspace for a spell too… I work remotely so it's a necessity.
The Bathroom was spotless, and those Bathrobes? I lived in them. The Extra long bed was perfect for stretching out after a day of… well, being in paradise. The Mini bar was tempting (and priced fairly), but I mostly stuck to the Free bottled water. Staying hydrated is KEY when the sun's belting down.
But here’s a confession: I’m a total control freak about cleanliness. I was thrilled to discover the hotel's commitment to sanitation. Rooms sanitized between stays, Anti-viral cleaning products – it gave me serious peace of mind. They even offer Room sanitization opt-out available if you feel the need. Amazing attention to detail!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (and My Expanding Waistline)
(Restaurants, Poolside bar, Coffee shop, Snack bar, Room service [24-hour], Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, Happy hour, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Bottle of water)
Okay, let’s talk food. The Breakfast [buffet] was an event. Omelet station? Check. Fresh fruit you won't stop thinking about? Check. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast options? Double-check. I may have eaten my body weight in papaya. And the coffee? Surprisingly good!
The Poolside bar was my happy place. Happy hour was… happy. They have a fantastic Poolside bar, the staff are so friendly, and the cocktails were dangerously delicious. (And yes, plenty of non-alcoholic options!) The Restaurants (yes, plural!) offered everything from International cuisine to local Samoan delights. I’m a sucker for Asian cuisine (the curries were divine!). They have Vegetarian restaurant options too. Dinner was always a delight!
A minor, not-so-serious gripe: Sometimes the service in the main restaurant could get a little slow. But honestly, you're on island time, right? Embrace the slowness. Breathe in the ocean air. Savor the moment. (And maybe order another cocktail while you wait…)
(Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Pandemic Protocols) I noticed the team really go all in on safety: Safe dining setup, Individually-wrapped food options, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol. It felt great to focus on fun and relax while on vacation, and know I was safe.
Things to Do: Relaxation Station vs. Adventure Zone
(Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view, Fitness center, Gym/fitness, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath)
The Swimming pool [outdoor]? Stunning. Seriously, the view… just wow. I spent hours just floating around, gazing at the palm trees and feeling the sun on my face. They even had a Pool with view!
(Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath) - Now, the Spa. Oh, the spa. I got a Massage. The massage was… transformative. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. I went in a tangled mess of stress and came out feeling like a puddle of relaxed goo. So much so, that I came back the next day.
I did NOT hit the Fitness center/Gym/fitness. Sorry, not sorry. My vacation involved more napping and cocktail consumption than burpees. But the equipment looked…present. And, of course, the Sauna and the Steamroom.
Quirky Anecdote! One evening at the pool, I witnessed a proposal. The staff cleared the entire pool area for the couple. It was a total "awww" moment. Makes me want to find my own proposal spot!
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
(Daily housekeeping, Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Convenience store, Laundry service, Dry cleaning, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Gift/souvenir shop, Air conditioning in public area, Elevator)
The Daily housekeeping was impeccable. The Laundry service came in handy. The Luggage storage was clutch. And the Cash withdrawal let me access the local currency. (Didn't use the Currency exchange in the end, but it's available!)
Internet Access - LAN/Wireless Yes, the Wi-Fi [free] was great, but they also have Internet access – LAN if you need it. They offer Wi-Fi in public areas as well. No problems here!
Safety & Cleanliness: Seriously Impressive
(CCTV in common areas, Security [24-hour], Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms, First aid kit, Hygiene certification, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Daily disinfection in common areas, Anti-viral cleaning products, Hand sanitizer, Safe dining setup, Sterilizing equipment)
Let me tell you, I felt safe. They're serious about cleanliness. They clean everything! You can see the extra measures they take to make sure guests are safe. Everywhere! CCTV in common areas, Security [24-hour], I felt completely at ease.
For the Kids: (I didn't have any with me, BUT…)
(Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal, Family/child friendly)
While I didn’t personally experience this, the hotel seemed very Family/child friendly. They advertised a Babysitting service, and Kids facilities were mentioned.
Getting Around:
(Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Bicycle parking, Car power charging station, Valet parking)
- Airport transfer: Easy peasy!
- Car park [free of charge]: So helpful.
- Car park [on-site]: They've got you covered!
- I didn't use a taxi, but it’s there if you want it.
- I didn't see bicycle parking,
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. This is my attempt at surviving Samoa while trying to look like I have it together. Specifically, the Tanoa Tusitala Hotel in Apia. Wish me luck, because honestly, I'm mostly winging it.
TANOA TUSITALA: SAMOA. OR, MY SANITY'S SEMI-CONTROLLED BREAKDOWN (AND HOPEFULLY, IMPROVEMENT)
Day 1: Arrival and Maybe Composure (Spoiler: Doubtful)
- 9:00 AM (Approximate): Touchdown at Faleolo International Airport (APW). Okay, deep breaths. Remember the mantra: "Sunscreen. Hydrate. Don't eat the questionable street food." Honestly, the "don't eat the questionable street food" is proving difficult because everything smells amazing, like a tropical fruit explosion.
- 9:30 AM - 10:30 AM (ish): Customs and Immigration. Note to self: smile. Be polite. My passport photo makes me look like a wanted fugitive. Okay, I think I have a slight problem with the way the official looking at me.
- 10:45 AM - 11:30 AM (probably): Taxi to Tanoa Tusitala. Apparently, it's a scenic drive. I'm praying the driver doesn't blare polka music. I'm not equipped for that. I'm already sweating.
- 11:30 AM - 12:30 PM: Check-in, pray for a room with air conditioning that actually works. My skin is already regretting the lack of cool air at the airport. This is the honeymoon, right? Where are all the Honeymooners?
- 12:30 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch at the hotel restaurant. Gotta find something safe, something relatively bland, to ease into the culinary adventure. Maybe a burger? Please say they have fries. I'm starting to feel the jet lag.
- Anecdote: During my last "adventure," I ordered a "safe" meal. It turned out to be a dish with a sauce that nearly launched me into orbit. I'm hoping for a more palatable experience this time. I need the caffeine. Please let there be coffee. I can't function without coffee.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Unpack, attempt to conquer the jungle of wires that is my phone charger situation, and make use of the air conditioning. Nap time! This is crucial. A cranky traveler is a BAD traveler. If I can't sleep, reading. Or maybe a very long shower.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Explore the hotel grounds. Swim in the pool if I get my act together. (Highly doubtful.) If I’m getting ambitious, I'll wander into Apia town for some supplies. Mostly water. And maybe a Samoan coffee.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Early dinner at the restaurant. Try something slightly adventurous. Maybe. I'm still wary of that sauce.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Collapse. Scroll through Instagram (jealousy activated!), prepare for the next day. Early bedtime. This whole trip is exhausting already.
Day 2: The Waterfall of Wonder (or, My Laundry Disaster)
- 7:00 AM: (Hopefully): Wake up, try to remember where I am. Coffee. Coffee is the key. I will find it.
- 7:30 AM - 8:30 AM: (Or whenever I wake up): Breakfast at the hotel. The fruit here better be as good as everyone says. And eggs. I NEED eggs. My body is demanding it.
- 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Day trip to a waterfall. Specifically, the Papapapaitai Falls. They look amazing. I'm also trying to figure out a tour I can live with because planning anything, I am terrible at. I can already sense my own ability to mess this up.
- Quirky Observation: Apparently, the humidity makes your hair do things you never thought possible. I feel like I'm slowly turning into a sea creature. The good part, swimming. The bad part, my hair.
- Emotional Reaction: I am SO EXCITED to see a waterfall. Waterfalls are inherently magnificent. I'm prepared to be utterly stunned and Instagram-obsessed.
- Rambling: Okay, but seriously, what if I fall in? What if there are eels? I hate eels. Okay, deep breaths. Waterfall. Water. Beautiful. (I have a real fear of falling.)
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch near the waterfall. Hopefully, something not too weird.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Return to the hotel. Time to, you know, do something other than fall into a swimming pool.
- 4:00 PM - Whenever: Laundry. This is where it gets messy. I knew it would. I am not handling the laundry game.
- Stream-of-Consciousness: Oh, laundry. I tried to be "eco-conscious" and hand-wash a few things. Now, my clothes are, at best, damp. At worst, I have a pile of soggy, pastel-colored fabric. I am going to investigate the laundry service at the hotel.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: I AM HORRIFIED. Not only is my laundry damp, but the colors are bleeding. My favorite shirt… GONE.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Dinner. Comfort food in the hotel restaurant. Because I deserve it.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Stare at the blurry remains of my favorite shirt. Plot my revenge on the washing machine. Or, you know, just go to sleep.
Day 3: Relaxation and Re-Evaluation (or, My "Perfect" Day)
- 7:00 AM: Wake up. Coffee.
- 7:30 AM - 8:30 AM: Breakfast. More fruit, more eggs.
- 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Sunbathe by the pool. Try to relax. Attempt to embrace the "island time" mentality that everyone keeps banging on about.
- Opinionated Language: If I hear one more person say "island time," I swear… I'm going to, what, I don't know. But I'll react.
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch at the hotel.
- 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Spa treatment. I deserve this. After the laundry fiasco, I demand this. A massage, a facial… anything to distract me from my wardrobe's demise.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Wander around Apia. Buy a hideous, yet oddly charming souvenir.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Farewell dinner at the hotel restaurant. Pretend I'm a sophisticated traveler and order something I've never heard of.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Packing. (Hopefully, with dry clothes.) Reflect on my Samoan adventure.
- Messier Structure: Wait. Is this a good trip? Am I having fun? Am I going to be sad to leave? The answer is, probably, maybe, and yes.
Days 4-? (Depends on my Flight):
- Repeat some of the above. Or deviate wildly from everything. Who knows? Maybe I'll go full island life. Maybe I'll accidentally join a coconut-husking competition. The possibilities are endless.
Disclaimer:
This itinerary is subject to change. Mostly based on my mood, the weather, and the availability of ice cream. My expectations for following any organized schedule, let alone this one, are laughably low. This is Samoa. We’ll just… see what happens. Wish me luck, because I'm going to need it. Also, please send help (and a good laundry service).
Hung Hung Inn Kota Kinabalu: Malaysia's BEST Kept Secret?
So, like, what *actually* made you want to take a comedy class? Was it, like, a lifelong dream?
Oh, please. A *lifelong dream*? More like a half-baked, slightly humiliating impulse born out of boredom and a bad breakup. Seriously! I was a total mess. Every time I went to the grocery store, I'd see someone who vaguely reminded me of my ex, and I'd just want to... well, *not* grocery shop. So one afternoon, wallowing in Ben & Jerry's and questionable life choices, I saw an ad for a stand-up class. My internal monologue went something like this: "You're single. You’re fat (thanks, ice cream). You’re unhappy. Might as well be publicly humiliated. Sign up!" Turns out, public humiliation is, in its own weird way, kind of a good distraction. Plus, hey, maybe *someone* would find me remotely funny? (Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen right away.)
Okay, but was it worth it? Was your, like, *comedy destiny* revealed?
Worth it? ...That's complicated. Look, let's be honest, I didn't exactly become the next Tina Fey. I mean, my first open mic night? Crickets. Actual, audible crickets. I remember staring into the void of the audience, a single spotlight burning into me, and feeling my soul slowly evaporate into the dusty air. The comedian before me, who did the "airplane peanuts" bit? Gold. Me? Like watching a slow-motion train wreck. But... and this is a big *but*... it was also kind of... fun? There's a weird, masochistic thrill to bombing. You learn to laugh at yourself. And eventually, *eventually* you get a laugh or two. Plus, the other students were hilarious! We all bonded over shared trauma, which is a weird but effective friendship-making strategy.
What was the *hardest* part? Was it the jokes? The stage fright? The pressure?
Oooh, the hardest part? Oh, that's easy: the feedback. Ugh. Constructive criticism is a lie! Well, okay, *some* of it was helpful. Like: "Maybe don't say 'um' every other word," and "Perhaps try writing jokes, not just rambling." But getting slammed by a room full of people who *fancy* themselves comedy experts is like wading through a swamp of, well, *criticism*. It messes with your ability to write something original, you start thinking "Is that what people really laugh at?" And, oh man, the one time I tried a joke about my cat? Absolutely demolished. Turns out, my cat puns were, to put it mildly, *not* landing. I swear, my cat has great timing. He's just not onstage.
Did you ever want to quit? Like, seriously consider throwing in the towel and going back to, you know, *normal* life?
Absolutely. There were several times. One night at the local dive bar open mic, a heckler yelled, "Your jokes are as stale as these free peanuts!" (See, irony, it's... *a lot*). And that's when I was like... "Maybe I should just stick to online shopping." Or how about the time I tried a joke about dating apps? Total silence. Dead air. Then a guy in the audience yawned. A *yawn*. I swear, I felt my self-esteem crumble into a fine powder. But, I persisted. Why? Maybe because I’m stubborn, or perhaps I just wanted to prove that heckler wrong (and perhaps, in a weird twist of fate, hook up with someone from the class. I am still single, by the way). And the worst part? I *almost* quit then, but the teacher kept encouraging. Bless his heart.
What's the one piece of advice you'd give someone thinking about taking a comedy class?
Go. Seriously. Just do it. Even if you think you're not funny. Even if you're terrified of public speaking. Even if you're convinced you'll bomb harder than a poorly-constructed joke about airplane peanuts (I've learned to be very self-referential, ok?) . Because even if you don't become a comedian, you'll learn something about yourself. You'll learn to embrace the awkward. You'll learn to laugh at your own failures (essential!). You'll meet some truly weird and wonderful people. And, hey, maybe you'll make someone laugh, which, turns out, is a pretty good feeling. Just... maybe avoid the cat puns.
Did you actually… get over the breakup?
… You *know*, I think I did. Or, at least, the ice cream cravings have significantly decreased. And seeing the guy who kinda looked like my ex in the grocery store? Now, I just roll my eyes and think, "Bet you couldn't write a joke in a million years." So yeah, maybe comedy class *was* the best therapy ever. Or maybe it just gave me a new way to channel the heartbreak into something… vaguely productive. I still have that ex-boyfriend joke, BTW. Just needs some work. And more open mic nights. And possibly a therapist. Okay, fine, *definitely* a therapist. But hey, baby steps, right?
So, what's the *current* state of your stand-up "career"? Have you 'made it' yet?
"Made it?" HA! Honey, "making it" in the comedy world is a myth. It's like searching for the perfect avocado – you're always searching. Mostly, I still bomb. But now, at least, I have *slightly* fewer crickets. I hit up a few open mics. I've got a few jokes I'm actually *not* totally embarrassed by. I've got maybe two people who seem to think I'm funny. My dream is to get a five minute spot, but I have to work for it. But here’s the thing: now, when I walk onstage, I don't feel that soul-crushing dread. I feel... something else. Maybe anticipation? Maybe a dash of defiance? Maybe just a desperate need to finally make it to the bathroom after drinking that pre-show coffee. So, no, I haven't "made it." But I'm still here. And that, my friend, is a win.Wander Stay Spot
